To: The people I deleted on social media,

I know your defence is up, and the confusion is starting to feel like resentment. I know you feel like I betray you - like all the times you were there for me have proved to be for nothing. Everything was seemingly okay - we had a normal friendship, and even began to get close. We hyped each other up on Facebook, and called each other when we were bored. The truth is so many things, but despite it, I know how hard it is to feel like you have been ghosted by someone you were starting to trust. So I will try to explain as best I can - without the disclosures that would naturally bring simultaneous understanding.

I am far from a person without flaw. I am sensitive to touch, I triple-check everything, my mind tells me I have only one good side in front of a camera, and I hold onto words like gospel - even when they destroy me. And maybe, if I am being completely vulnerable in truth, maybe I sabotage my relationships before any one else can, because heartbreak is all I have ever known. What you saw was me unfriending you. What you did not see was the deterioration of my life - of everything I have ever been able to call my own. The ones I love succumbed, and nothing was safe anymore. My home was threatened, my health lost, and everywhere I sought sanctuary crumbled before me. My world, themself, collapsed, and their body severely malfunctioned - opening a new sphere of catastrophe I never saw coming.

I started by removing my profile picture, and then my name. I tried deactivating my accounts, but learnt that the hurt still found a way to hurt us. So I reactivated them again, and instead started to delete. Person by person, I removed myself from any connection, from any one who could ever get close to me again. I no longer knew how to trust, how to be careless and free online without wondering how my content would be used against me - and who would be the one to share it without my consent. I moved houses, changed my number, bleached my hair, and hid. The walls I tried so desperately to found securely closed in on me, and all I could do was focus on survival. There was innocence I needed to protect, and my only concern was to ensure their safety in the face of such adversity.

Sometimes the keyboard warriors and their waging campaigns stay, their uploaded receipts linger in the minds of the people they taunt. Sometimes, a person is ceaselessly perceived as negative regardless of true fact; and with no thought to the consequences by the culprits themselves, individuals are no longer seen or treated as real people. And sometimes, even the strongest of people, who grew up in safe homes, who love and are loved, sometimes they embody their torment, they become the people others create.

I want you to know, more than anything, that this is not about you. You are worthy, and deserving of explanations and of people who stay; and I am sorry I could not do and be either of those things. I miss you, and I miss not being scared - and slowly, I am rebuilding my world.

From: A person you may know


It is important to know that despite the complexities of our thoughts, feelings, and emotions, human connection is imperative and necessary for not only healing, but survival. Honour the seasons - the drawing back, but also the drawing near; and be assured that you are worthy to be seen and sought in the mind and hearts of others. Please never hesitate to reach out to your village in the face of struggle.

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